Letting Go!

“Hanging on tight takes a lot of energy.  We act as if hanging on increases the likelihood of what we want coming to pass….maybe it’s that we confuse “letting go” with “giving up”…….letting go is loosening your tight-fisted grip on having things turn out one specific way giving possibility some air to breathe…”  -Debrena Jackson Gandy

Many of the problems we have in our lives stems from not letting go of our past.  We may hide it in things we hoard in our houses including ten closets of clothing, cars you own but don’t drive and friends or spouses who could hardly care less about you but you keep them around to hide your own issues.  Meanwhile, you feel restless and up all night with anxiety even though your life should be well according to society’s standards.

A lot of my clients have had difficult upbringings where either their father was nowhere to be found or their mother was trying to deal with her own drama.  You then grow up trying to become the adult to your parents while still trying to maintain a childhood.  And although you managed to get out of the situation, the residual effects still remain and show up in your current state of relationships.

Now maybe that wasn’t your problem so let me bowl closer down your alley.  Let’s say that you had a loving upbringing but you still manage to find yourself in difficult situations because you haven’t learned the proper way to set boundaries for yourself.  You give too much love to people in intimate relationships who are not right for you.  You end up feeling burned out because you’ve poured too much of your cup to people who are undeserving of receiving from it.

Still not your problem?  What about letting go of poor financial habits?  Do you spend money on all the wrong things?  Do you have to have the latest tickets to the Beyoncé concert?  Or what about your health?  How often do you implement a practice of eating fresh fruits and vegetables to your daily diet?  Or does it consist of coffee and doughnuts?

You see, we all need to let go of something or someone?  Our focus is usually on letting go of bad relationships…and rightfully so!  They are at the core of our lives as social beings.  But there are other areas of our lives that may need a bit of “decluttering” as well.  While we’re all out and about this summer, let’s all challenge ourselves to let go of bad habits in our lives holding us back from getting our dreams.  The more we can let go of things that no longer serve us, the more we can let in the things that do.

Thanks for reading!

The Future of Love and Relationships

What does the future hold in store for us?

One thing I love to do is think about the future.  What will technology be like?  Will we all be flying on the moon like the “Jetsons”?  What does it hold for love?  How will race and gender play a role?  How about our sexual orientation?  What about peace in our world?  These are all valid questions and I thought it would be fun to explore some of the answers to these questions based on where I believe society is going at this present time.

Here are a few of the areas I decided to explore with regards to the future:

I.                     Technology

I was watching a video by The School of Life called “Emotional Technology” and it really peeked my interest in the future.  If you haven’t checked out their videos, please do so as you will definitely learn something new.  But one of the things this video talked about was how society was changing in terms of the technology.  What really amazed me was when they said that online dating would be better in terms of picking a spouse.  Technology will change because it would get straight to the heart of what your needs and expectations are in terms of a partner.  Thereby, helping you find the right person based on this criteria.  Currently, online dating serves as a means to get a “date” not in terms of getting a “spouse” even though sites like eharmony.com and match.com represent themselves as such.

II.                  Love and Dating

There has been a huge turnover rate with dating in terms of the number of people getting married and subsequently getting divorced or widowed and the number of people who have never been married.  Throughout our history, I don’t think we’ve ever seen the number of people who are currently single and looking for a mate which has changed the entire paradigm for dating.  In other words, a 20-something year old person could be looking for a mate just like someone who is in their mid-40’s.  This creates a challenge for those looking for love.  If you’re in your 40’s, you’re certainly not going to be searching for someone in the same pool of singles as you did in your 20’s.  This is one of the reasons I believe that online dating will change as the demand for finding the right spouse will be greater.

The other factor involved with dating is our own perceptions of it.  Most of us are living out our parent’s beliefs and philosophies on love and relationships even though much has changed in terms of relationships since our parent’s generation.  We’re holding on to the old guard of how we view relationships in terms of race, ethnicity, gender roles, sexual orientation, etc., rather than embracing where society is and where it is going in order to find the person that effectively meets our needs. 

More specifically, I think there will come a day when interracial dating will not be viewed as distinctive but rather will be commonplace among most singles.  Race will play a role but only be seen in a way of understanding our history and how that could make the bond formed in a relationship stronger because of it.  And this is already happening among many couples. 

Even age differences will be seen as merely a chance to understand a different generation.  We’ll be looking at the person not by their age but rather as whether we feel happy with the person.  Regardless of whether the person is 10 or 20 years our junior or senior, this will be a minor factor among many others with regards to choosing this person.  Character, values, lifestyles and goals will be the deciding factors for its compatibility.

III.                 Gender Roles

We’ve already seen stay at home dads raise their children while mom goes to work so we know this trend is only going to increase in the future.  The phrase “bringing home the bacon” will apply to both mom and dad as both will be out trying to make a living and bringing home a paycheck.  But there will also be much less of a conflict in this area as couples will see each other in a positive light working together in a partnership.  And there will be more equality in the relationship rather than today’s view of one partner being more superior to the other.  In other words, they’ll both be at the head of the table.

IV.                Reproduction

Despite many people’s thoughts on a woman’s reproductive rights, I believe that women will be able to produce children well into their later 40’s.  This is a heated battle, by the way.  Some women believe that you need to be in your 20’s to have a child because you have more eggs at this time to produce the child and you need more energy just to keep up with the child.  Opponents say that when a woman is older, she may not have as many eggs to produce the child but is far more capable of providing the financial resources to raise a child because she would now be stable in her career as opposed to the instability found in a woman’s 20’s. 

But technology will change how we view this challenge.  Fertility treatments are becoming more and more effective in helping a woman produce a child.  I have seen far more 40 year old women now producing kids than I have in the previous generations.  And I think we’re going to need this technology because having children is expensive and a 20 year old woman nowadays must work many hours just to keep food on the table for herself even without having a child.  Therefore, I believe many young women will choose to delay having children even longer causing more of a demand for fertility treatments forcing manufacturers of this technology to be more effective in their results.

V.                  Sexual Orientation

Well for those of us who have grown up in religious households, this area is challenging to say the least.  We’ve grown up with the notion that only a man and a woman can love each other.  Well, ladies and gentlemen, that theory is changing before our very eyes.  Today, in 2016, we have Caitlyn Jenner, for example, a transsexual who is experiencing life as a woman having been born as a man.  So how’s that for throwing the “old guard” out the window?  What do our religious leaders think about this?  Listen, whether you agree with this or not, it’s already happening.  And I believe, you will have more and more people identifying with being gay or lesbian or perhaps even bi or trans-sexual.  We are living in a world where people are changing their beliefs in search of their true selves and that is perhaps a good thing for our society in general, regardless of our own personal belief systems.

VI.                 Peace

I believe we are starting to discover our own true identities, finding our own meaning in this life and finally achieving the happiness we’ve been searching for our whole lives.  To me, that signals the peace we are starting to have within ourselves.  As the old saying goes, “as within, so below”.  When we start to feel a sense of peace inside of ourselves, this will translate to our external perception of society as well.  Currently, we live in a time where we don’t know ourselves and we’re projecting this on to our outside world resulting in chaos and conflict.  I truly believe once we have a greater understanding of ourselves, our partners and partnerships, then we will achieve eternal peace.

So there you have it!  My view of how I see our world in the future with regards to love and relationships.  We are experiencing a true awakening in our society.  Our perceptions and beliefs are changing.  Technology is helping to expedite this process.  But first, we have to go through the fire in our own lives to get to the other side.  It’s like the phoenix rising where we have to go through the fire but we come out of it refreshed and renewed.  That’s each of us living in this world today.  Our awakening process is now.  And we should either try to grow with it or we may be left behind.  Either way, society is changing and that’s a good thing.

Thanks for reading!

For any comments, questions or more insight on this article, please contact us at moniqueboyd@liveloveaspire.com.  You may also contact us for professional life/relationship coaching services as well.

#Because Your Dreams Matter

What If We Pursued Our Childhood Dreams

She’s the little girl you see with a smile as big as the Ohio River.  With long, flowing pigtails she’s determined to make her mark on the world.  Everywhere she sees is possibilities.  She doesn’t know limitations…well not yet anyway.  All she knows is that just like the fairytales she’s heard over and over, her dreams can come true.  Inside, her soul screams “Dream Big Little Girl!’…Because your dreams matter!

Wherever I go in this world, I meet people all the time who have dreams that are unfilled, destinies not pursued, and opportunities not realized.  Somewhere along the way we lost our path in life.  Someone told you that you weren’t good enough, not creative enough and my favorite they said you would never make any money doing the thing you were designed to do.  But they were wrong.  You matter!  You have something important to contribute to this world.  Because your dreams matter!

Maybe it’s not just other people but ourselves.  Maybe we’re the culprits putting our dreams on hold.  Maybe we let fear control us and interfere with what is destined for us.  We neglect to take risks in life because we fear what lies ahead of us.  What will our family think of us?  What will our peers think?  What if I can’t live up to their expectations of me?  But rather than allowing fear to ask “What if I fall?”….ask yourself the question…”What if I fly?  The more we can confront our fear and other anxieties, the more we can pursue the thing that gets us up in the morning.  Imagine the possibilities on the other side of fear.  Someone needs your expertise and are waiting for you to give it to them.  Because your dreams matter!

Now just think about all the people who are sick in the hospital or who have passed away never having achieved their dreams.  They may have lived a decent life but imagine what could have become of them if they only took a chance.  It only takes making the first move to start a ripple effect of living your dream life.  There’s some little girl out there watching you to follow in your footsteps.  Because your dreams matter!

In conclusion, I encourage you live out your dreams.  I am fortunate to work in an occupation where I help people to pursue their dreams, discover new ways of thinking and help empower them to make better decisions for their lives.  I encourage you to revisit your childhood dreams and take a chance on them even if you think nothing can become of them.  You’ll never know unless you try.  All eyes are watching you!  Because your dreams matter!  They really do.

Thanks for reading!

Please contact me at info@liveloveaspire.com for more information on my life/health/wellness related coaching services or visit my website at www.liveloveaspire.com.

Work Hard, Love Less In Maryland?

Is having the title for the hardest working state in the union a drawback?

According to Zippia.com, a site that tracks millions of professionals using career maps across the country, Maryland (my hometown!) is the No. 1 state for hard working professionals.  This state was among others including Virginia (No. 2), and New Jersey (No. 3) that topped the list.  Their criteria included the total average hours worked, the total hours spent in commute to work, labor participation and other educational pursuits.  Overall, Northeastern states were found to be the hardest working states in the Union. 

Now, of course, you didn’t need some site to tell you this information!  But bear with me for a minute.  I found the most interesting part of this analysis is that as Marylanders, we spend 32 minutes to and from work each day (1 hour total), plus the 38.8 hours we spend actually at work.  Then when we’re not working, an average 20% of us are educating ourselves to find more work!

While I think this is good news for all of us hard working Marylanders, I often wonder how it impacts our love lives.  If we’re spending so much time at work, this means we’re definitely not spending it with our loved ones.  More time at work means less time at home.  And it turns out, it really doesn’t bode well on our relationships because according to the 2013 demographics data by towncharts.com, Maryland has a divorce rate of about 10% and the percentage of singles never married is 35%.  Overall, singles accounted for 51% of the population in the entire Maryland area.

And to my hopeless romantic singles, this really puts you at a disadvantage.  Because when you’re single, you’re not only trying to put food on the table but also find the love of your life.  You have dual duties.  As a professional coach, I generally find that the majority of my clients work a LOT!  Sure, they acknowledge they need to make their love lives a priority but doing something about it is a whole other issue.  This is especially the case when the cost of living is going up while our quality of life may be going down.

And there lies the conundrum.  What do we do?  It’s really all about balance.  Sure, it’s great as Marylanders to be recognized for all our hard work but as Steven Covey puts it, if we don’t prioritize our lives outside of work, we begin to “kill the goose that produces the egg”.  In other words, we need to take the time to enjoy having romantic, intimate relationships because they tend to be the foundation of our lives well into our older age.  This impacts our health as well.  When we’re in loving relationships, we feel better and we tend to do better in life.

In short, the purpose of this article isn’t to excite you nor depress you but to make you aware that working hard in our careers is a beautiful thing when we can balance it with our personal lives as well.  It’s all about the balance.  When we can take some time away from our busy schedules and enjoy the other parts of our lives, I believe we come into harmony with the universe and our souls within. 

Thanks for reading!

Please contact me at info@liveloveaspire.com for more information on my life/health/wellness related coaching services.