Letting Go!

“Hanging on tight takes a lot of energy.  We act as if hanging on increases the likelihood of what we want coming to pass….maybe it’s that we confuse “letting go” with “giving up”…….letting go is loosening your tight-fisted grip on having things turn out one specific way giving possibility some air to breathe…”  -Debrena Jackson Gandy

Many of the problems we have in our lives stems from not letting go of our past.  We may hide it in things we hoard in our houses including ten closets of clothing, cars you own but don’t drive and friends or spouses who could hardly care less about you but you keep them around to hide your own issues.  Meanwhile, you feel restless and up all night with anxiety even though your life should be well according to society’s standards.

A lot of my clients have had difficult upbringings where either their father was nowhere to be found or their mother was trying to deal with her own drama.  You then grow up trying to become the adult to your parents while still trying to maintain a childhood.  And although you managed to get out of the situation, the residual effects still remain and show up in your current state of relationships.

Now maybe that wasn’t your problem so let me bowl closer down your alley.  Let’s say that you had a loving upbringing but you still manage to find yourself in difficult situations because you haven’t learned the proper way to set boundaries for yourself.  You give too much love to people in intimate relationships who are not right for you.  You end up feeling burned out because you’ve poured too much of your cup to people who are undeserving of receiving from it.

Still not your problem?  What about letting go of poor financial habits?  Do you spend money on all the wrong things?  Do you have to have the latest tickets to the Beyoncé concert?  Or what about your health?  How often do you implement a practice of eating fresh fruits and vegetables to your daily diet?  Or does it consist of coffee and doughnuts?

You see, we all need to let go of something or someone?  Our focus is usually on letting go of bad relationships…and rightfully so!  They are at the core of our lives as social beings.  But there are other areas of our lives that may need a bit of “decluttering” as well.  While we’re all out and about this summer, let’s all challenge ourselves to let go of bad habits in our lives holding us back from getting our dreams.  The more we can let go of things that no longer serve us, the more we can let in the things that do.

Thanks for reading!

The Future of Love and Relationships

What does the future hold in store for us?

One thing I love to do is think about the future.  What will technology be like?  Will we all be flying on the moon like the “Jetsons”?  What does it hold for love?  How will race and gender play a role?  How about our sexual orientation?  What about peace in our world?  These are all valid questions and I thought it would be fun to explore some of the answers to these questions based on where I believe society is going at this present time.

Here are a few of the areas I decided to explore with regards to the future:

I.                     Technology

I was watching a video by The School of Life called “Emotional Technology” and it really peeked my interest in the future.  If you haven’t checked out their videos, please do so as you will definitely learn something new.  But one of the things this video talked about was how society was changing in terms of the technology.  What really amazed me was when they said that online dating would be better in terms of picking a spouse.  Technology will change because it would get straight to the heart of what your needs and expectations are in terms of a partner.  Thereby, helping you find the right person based on this criteria.  Currently, online dating serves as a means to get a “date” not in terms of getting a “spouse” even though sites like eharmony.com and match.com represent themselves as such.

II.                  Love and Dating

There has been a huge turnover rate with dating in terms of the number of people getting married and subsequently getting divorced or widowed and the number of people who have never been married.  Throughout our history, I don’t think we’ve ever seen the number of people who are currently single and looking for a mate which has changed the entire paradigm for dating.  In other words, a 20-something year old person could be looking for a mate just like someone who is in their mid-40’s.  This creates a challenge for those looking for love.  If you’re in your 40’s, you’re certainly not going to be searching for someone in the same pool of singles as you did in your 20’s.  This is one of the reasons I believe that online dating will change as the demand for finding the right spouse will be greater.

The other factor involved with dating is our own perceptions of it.  Most of us are living out our parent’s beliefs and philosophies on love and relationships even though much has changed in terms of relationships since our parent’s generation.  We’re holding on to the old guard of how we view relationships in terms of race, ethnicity, gender roles, sexual orientation, etc., rather than embracing where society is and where it is going in order to find the person that effectively meets our needs. 

More specifically, I think there will come a day when interracial dating will not be viewed as distinctive but rather will be commonplace among most singles.  Race will play a role but only be seen in a way of understanding our history and how that could make the bond formed in a relationship stronger because of it.  And this is already happening among many couples. 

Even age differences will be seen as merely a chance to understand a different generation.  We’ll be looking at the person not by their age but rather as whether we feel happy with the person.  Regardless of whether the person is 10 or 20 years our junior or senior, this will be a minor factor among many others with regards to choosing this person.  Character, values, lifestyles and goals will be the deciding factors for its compatibility.

III.                 Gender Roles

We’ve already seen stay at home dads raise their children while mom goes to work so we know this trend is only going to increase in the future.  The phrase “bringing home the bacon” will apply to both mom and dad as both will be out trying to make a living and bringing home a paycheck.  But there will also be much less of a conflict in this area as couples will see each other in a positive light working together in a partnership.  And there will be more equality in the relationship rather than today’s view of one partner being more superior to the other.  In other words, they’ll both be at the head of the table.

IV.                Reproduction

Despite many people’s thoughts on a woman’s reproductive rights, I believe that women will be able to produce children well into their later 40’s.  This is a heated battle, by the way.  Some women believe that you need to be in your 20’s to have a child because you have more eggs at this time to produce the child and you need more energy just to keep up with the child.  Opponents say that when a woman is older, she may not have as many eggs to produce the child but is far more capable of providing the financial resources to raise a child because she would now be stable in her career as opposed to the instability found in a woman’s 20’s. 

But technology will change how we view this challenge.  Fertility treatments are becoming more and more effective in helping a woman produce a child.  I have seen far more 40 year old women now producing kids than I have in the previous generations.  And I think we’re going to need this technology because having children is expensive and a 20 year old woman nowadays must work many hours just to keep food on the table for herself even without having a child.  Therefore, I believe many young women will choose to delay having children even longer causing more of a demand for fertility treatments forcing manufacturers of this technology to be more effective in their results.

V.                  Sexual Orientation

Well for those of us who have grown up in religious households, this area is challenging to say the least.  We’ve grown up with the notion that only a man and a woman can love each other.  Well, ladies and gentlemen, that theory is changing before our very eyes.  Today, in 2016, we have Caitlyn Jenner, for example, a transsexual who is experiencing life as a woman having been born as a man.  So how’s that for throwing the “old guard” out the window?  What do our religious leaders think about this?  Listen, whether you agree with this or not, it’s already happening.  And I believe, you will have more and more people identifying with being gay or lesbian or perhaps even bi or trans-sexual.  We are living in a world where people are changing their beliefs in search of their true selves and that is perhaps a good thing for our society in general, regardless of our own personal belief systems.

VI.                 Peace

I believe we are starting to discover our own true identities, finding our own meaning in this life and finally achieving the happiness we’ve been searching for our whole lives.  To me, that signals the peace we are starting to have within ourselves.  As the old saying goes, “as within, so below”.  When we start to feel a sense of peace inside of ourselves, this will translate to our external perception of society as well.  Currently, we live in a time where we don’t know ourselves and we’re projecting this on to our outside world resulting in chaos and conflict.  I truly believe once we have a greater understanding of ourselves, our partners and partnerships, then we will achieve eternal peace.

So there you have it!  My view of how I see our world in the future with regards to love and relationships.  We are experiencing a true awakening in our society.  Our perceptions and beliefs are changing.  Technology is helping to expedite this process.  But first, we have to go through the fire in our own lives to get to the other side.  It’s like the phoenix rising where we have to go through the fire but we come out of it refreshed and renewed.  That’s each of us living in this world today.  Our awakening process is now.  And we should either try to grow with it or we may be left behind.  Either way, society is changing and that’s a good thing.

Thanks for reading!

For any comments, questions or more insight on this article, please contact us at moniqueboyd@liveloveaspire.com.  You may also contact us for professional life/relationship coaching services as well.

#Because Your Dreams Matter

What If We Pursued Our Childhood Dreams

She’s the little girl you see with a smile as big as the Ohio River.  With long, flowing pigtails she’s determined to make her mark on the world.  Everywhere she sees is possibilities.  She doesn’t know limitations…well not yet anyway.  All she knows is that just like the fairytales she’s heard over and over, her dreams can come true.  Inside, her soul screams “Dream Big Little Girl!’…Because your dreams matter!

Wherever I go in this world, I meet people all the time who have dreams that are unfilled, destinies not pursued, and opportunities not realized.  Somewhere along the way we lost our path in life.  Someone told you that you weren’t good enough, not creative enough and my favorite they said you would never make any money doing the thing you were designed to do.  But they were wrong.  You matter!  You have something important to contribute to this world.  Because your dreams matter!

Maybe it’s not just other people but ourselves.  Maybe we’re the culprits putting our dreams on hold.  Maybe we let fear control us and interfere with what is destined for us.  We neglect to take risks in life because we fear what lies ahead of us.  What will our family think of us?  What will our peers think?  What if I can’t live up to their expectations of me?  But rather than allowing fear to ask “What if I fall?”….ask yourself the question…”What if I fly?  The more we can confront our fear and other anxieties, the more we can pursue the thing that gets us up in the morning.  Imagine the possibilities on the other side of fear.  Someone needs your expertise and are waiting for you to give it to them.  Because your dreams matter!

Now just think about all the people who are sick in the hospital or who have passed away never having achieved their dreams.  They may have lived a decent life but imagine what could have become of them if they only took a chance.  It only takes making the first move to start a ripple effect of living your dream life.  There’s some little girl out there watching you to follow in your footsteps.  Because your dreams matter!

In conclusion, I encourage you live out your dreams.  I am fortunate to work in an occupation where I help people to pursue their dreams, discover new ways of thinking and help empower them to make better decisions for their lives.  I encourage you to revisit your childhood dreams and take a chance on them even if you think nothing can become of them.  You’ll never know unless you try.  All eyes are watching you!  Because your dreams matter!  They really do.

Thanks for reading!

Please contact me at info@liveloveaspire.com for more information on my life/health/wellness related coaching services or visit my website at www.liveloveaspire.com.

Work Hard, Love Less In Maryland?

Is having the title for the hardest working state in the union a drawback?

According to Zippia.com, a site that tracks millions of professionals using career maps across the country, Maryland (my hometown!) is the No. 1 state for hard working professionals.  This state was among others including Virginia (No. 2), and New Jersey (No. 3) that topped the list.  Their criteria included the total average hours worked, the total hours spent in commute to work, labor participation and other educational pursuits.  Overall, Northeastern states were found to be the hardest working states in the Union. 

Now, of course, you didn’t need some site to tell you this information!  But bear with me for a minute.  I found the most interesting part of this analysis is that as Marylanders, we spend 32 minutes to and from work each day (1 hour total), plus the 38.8 hours we spend actually at work.  Then when we’re not working, an average 20% of us are educating ourselves to find more work!

While I think this is good news for all of us hard working Marylanders, I often wonder how it impacts our love lives.  If we’re spending so much time at work, this means we’re definitely not spending it with our loved ones.  More time at work means less time at home.  And it turns out, it really doesn’t bode well on our relationships because according to the 2013 demographics data by towncharts.com, Maryland has a divorce rate of about 10% and the percentage of singles never married is 35%.  Overall, singles accounted for 51% of the population in the entire Maryland area.

And to my hopeless romantic singles, this really puts you at a disadvantage.  Because when you’re single, you’re not only trying to put food on the table but also find the love of your life.  You have dual duties.  As a professional coach, I generally find that the majority of my clients work a LOT!  Sure, they acknowledge they need to make their love lives a priority but doing something about it is a whole other issue.  This is especially the case when the cost of living is going up while our quality of life may be going down.

And there lies the conundrum.  What do we do?  It’s really all about balance.  Sure, it’s great as Marylanders to be recognized for all our hard work but as Steven Covey puts it, if we don’t prioritize our lives outside of work, we begin to “kill the goose that produces the egg”.  In other words, we need to take the time to enjoy having romantic, intimate relationships because they tend to be the foundation of our lives well into our older age.  This impacts our health as well.  When we’re in loving relationships, we feel better and we tend to do better in life.

In short, the purpose of this article isn’t to excite you nor depress you but to make you aware that working hard in our careers is a beautiful thing when we can balance it with our personal lives as well.  It’s all about the balance.  When we can take some time away from our busy schedules and enjoy the other parts of our lives, I believe we come into harmony with the universe and our souls within. 

Thanks for reading!

Please contact me at info@liveloveaspire.com for more information on my life/health/wellness related coaching services.

Why You Can’t Lose Weight

Hint:  It’s Not From A Lack Of Exercise

Every year millions of people start New Year’s Resolutions only to give up when they feel they cannot accomplish their goals.  They find the latest trends in diets, that promise to help them lose weight quickly, did so only temporarily and caused them to be back at their original weight within months.  Still, I can’t blame people for trying so let’s dig a bit deeper into the real reason people can’t lose weight.

Most of my life people have asked me “how I stay so slim?”  My response is usually to stay humble and say it’s really nothing, as to not make them feel inferior to me.   Well, I do work hard in the gym at keeping the weight off.  I also watch my diet regularly.  But let’s be honest here.  Having worked in the fitness industry and being around so many fitness professionals, I must say that diet and exercise alone will not help you keep the weight off.  If it could, people would never gain a lot of weight.  In fact, most of us would just go to the gym and eat a low carb diet and call it a day!

The real reason it’s so hard for most people to keep the weight off is because they lack the will power or the self-discipline to do so and that’s the necessary part.  For those of us who eat, live and breathe fitness, it’s a lifestyle.  It’s more than just a diet.  We do this every day because every day is a battle to avoid eating lots of sugar and sweets.  I pass by cookies and cupcakes all the time in my local grocery store.  But notice I said “pass by” them, not stop for a conversation!

In order to gain the will power and the self-discipline, you need to create daily healthy habits that will help you to make the right decisions when it comes to eating right and working out.  When you are able to create healthy habits for yourself, it makes the temptation of eating junk food less tempting because you have created a little routine of only eating what is right for your body.  Therefore, no decision is necessary.

Listen, I can’t tell you that you will always make the right decision even when you have self-discipline.  Some days are better than others.  But if every day you make a habit of working out, tracking your meals if necessary, and only buying healthy fruits and vegetables, your journey will be a lot smoother. 

I want you to win this battle of trying to lose weight and keeping it off.  But you must be aware that it takes more than just diet and exercise, it takes a bit of mental stamina to achieve your goals.  When you are able to gain a greater awareness of how much your mental psyche plays a role in this process and take the right steps towards weight loss management, you will be that much closer to your goal.

Food for thought!

Thanks for reading!

Please contact me at info@liveloveaspire.com for more information on my life/health/wellness related coaching services.

How To Attract Success

“Everything that you want in your life is right at your fingertips”

Recently, I had an opportunity to serve with the Bea Gaddy organization which provides food to thousands of needy and homeless families in the Baltimore metro area.  Their biggest event comes on Thanksgiving where hundreds of volunteers sign up to help them with their cause.  Interestingly enough, I was looking for an event where I could in some way provide services to those less fortunate.  Now I had heard about an event at my church where they were going to be feeding needy families but I thought I missed the opportunity to sign up for it.  Needless to say, I was devastated because I really wanted to help.  However, an interesting thing happened, the Sunday after I thought the event was over I discovered the event hadn’t even began.  They were recruiting volunteers for the Bea Gaddy organization for Thanksgiving which had not even occurred as of yet.  I sincerely believe this was the Law of Attraction working in my life and that I was drawing that energy to me.  I believe the Law of Attraction works with everything we do including for both our personal and professional endeavors.

You see, whatever you focus on is what you draw into your life.  Have you ever sat and thought about someone and they suddenly called you on the phone?  It’s really no coincidence.  You were focused on them and they received your signal and decided to give you a call.  Your thoughts are like magnets.  With each thought, you are creating some type of energy.  Other people then pick up on that energy.

That’s why it’s so important to be careful what you focus on because if it’s something you really don’t want to happen, then you do the opposite of your intentions.  For example, people focus on their “lack” of money rather than their “abundance” of it and wonder why they’re always broke.  They focus on their “lack” of having a relationship rather than focusing on receiving an “abundance” of them.  It’s really about where you put your thoughts and choose to focus that can make or break your dreams or desires.

Well, you may say how do I make changes to attract the life I want?  First, just become aware of every time you have a thought that isn’t in line with your attentions.  As long as you are aware of it, you can choose to think another thought that is in line with your attentions.  Next, practice as many times as possible being able to substitute a negative thought with one which is positive.  For example, when you have a bad day, think about what can make it better or good things that have happened that day.  Choose to focus on the lessons you learned that day and the experiences you gained.  It really makes a difference and changes your entire outlook which in turn draws better energy to you.

The Law of Attraction works in so many ways and is instrumental in bringing you the success you want in your life.  No matter whether it’s relationships, money, career, business – it’s all working based on the energy you put out there.  If you put good energy out there, you’ll attract better energy back to you thereby drawing in the success you desire.  You are constantly creating the life you want and must choose to focus your energy in that direction.

Food for thought!

Thanks for reading!

Please contact me at info@liveloveaspire.com for more information on my life/health/wellness related coaching services.

Living On Purpose

“Are we living according to the purpose in which we were designed?”

Every now and then I stop and ask myself if what I’m doing is really helping to fulfill my purpose.  So many times I see people go to work for a company they hate, do a job they hate and then go home and complain to their family and friends about the choices they’ve created for themselves.  Eventually, they become stressed out and this starts to show physically in their bodies as well.  I can’t help but to think this is not why we were put here on earth.  You have a divine purpose for being here and being miserable is not one of them!

Well, let’s start with what is your divine purpose.  Some also call this your “calling”.  The thing in which you were called to do.  It is the thing that gets you up in the morning.  It is the thing you get passionate about whenever someone asks you about it.  You light up.  You smile whenever you are doing it.  It’s different for everyone but the level of passion is the same.  I can’t tell you what your purpose is but can tell you that there is a glow that radiates about you whenever you are living it.

Let’s dive a bit deeper!  Usually, I find that a person’s real purpose in life is something they’re already doing.  For example, I believe my divine purpose is to coach or teach people.  I was already doing this with my co-workers while working my previous 9 to 5 corporate job.  Whenever a co-worker had a problem, I was usually one of the first people they would turn to for help and resolution.  I would talk to them as long as possible.  And in turn, I was always the one to seek out a guru or elder to help me with difficult situations in my life.  I found I enjoyed this experience, imparting wisdom from one person to another.  It intrigued me and made me want to pay it forward and help others too.

If you’re still having difficulty finding your purpose.  Think about what you would do even if you did not get paid to do it.  This is usually the first clue to guide you towards your calling.  For example, if you like to talk a lot, you may be great at teaching, coaching, consulting and anything that involves distributing a message to people.  If you’re good with your hands, you may be great at massage therapy or healing arts.  If you love mechanics, you may like dealing with cars or engines.  As you can see, I can go on and on but I think you get the picture.

Take some time to reflect on what you love doing in your spare time.  Continue to ask yourself “what gets you up in the morning or keeps you up at night?”  That may give you a clue.  Sometimes it takes a person years and years to find their purpose but when you do your whole life changes in an instant.

Good luck in your search!

Thanks for reading!

Please contact me at info@liveloveaspire.com for more information on my life/health/wellness related coaching services.